The Mind of Andrew

That which has been thought, but never been said..until now

Toy Story 3: What, Pixar made an Amazing Movie?! (read sarcastically)

Okay, if you haven’t already seen it, go watch Toy Story 3.  I’m telling you this before I tell you anything about the movie for one reason and one reason only.  Pixar made it, and you can disagree with me, but I don’t think Pixar has ever made a bad movie.  They’ve made a few okay, but never bad.  I can say I was skeptical when this movie was announced.  Don’t get me wrong, I love Toy Story, but the 2nd one really wasn’t the best, and it was okay.  Overall though, It was probably Pixar’s biggest letdown.  But put you’re troubles to rest, because when rotten tomatoes gives  a movie a 100% ranking, They probably spiked some serious punch.

The movie starts out in probably my favorite opening scene in a while.  If you remember back to the first Toy Story movie and Andy playing with his toys, he mentions how slinky is a forcefield dog, and how Rex is a forcefield eating dinosaur.  Well they have an entire animated and extremely entertaining scene of the toys actually doing all these things and being beautifully animated.  Then it segues from that scene to Andy getting ready for college.  If you haven’t heard the plot of this movie in a nutshell yet, it’s this.  Andy is leaving for college and his few toys left are sad because they don’t know what the hell is going to happen to them.  When Andy is cleaning his room and deciding what to do with his toys, he puts Woody in his college stuff box and puts everyone else in a trash bag to bring to the attic.  His mom mistakes the bag for trash though and puts it on the curb.  The toys escape to the car and think that Andy tried to throw them away, so they want to go to the daycare and be toys for new little kids forever.  Woody keeps trying to convince them to leave, but all the toys there seem so friendly, including the mayor, a giant pink teddy bear who smells like strawberry’s and a Ken doll who falls in love with the Barbie doll from Andy’s house.  Woody goes into a little girls backpack to get to Andy’s house.  When the bear shows the new toys to a different room for their positions, it turns out it is the toddler room and they destroy toys.  Buzz Lightyear goes to request a room change, but the Bear doesn’t like the new toys, and is seen to be a mafia head figure.  He ties up buzz and resets him and has him arrest and capture Andy’s other toys.  In the mean time, at the little girls house, Woody learns that the nice bear is really evil and learns of his past.  He goes back to the daycare to rescue the toys.  In the process of escaping, Buzz is re-reset, but this time in Spanish.  As the toys escape, they fall into the garbage bin along with the Bear.  At the dump, they fight their way out of the trash destroyer machine.  They made that fucker look vicious.  Eventually, they all make it back to Andy’s and Woody decides that he’d rather be with everyone then be with Andy, and Andy realizes that someone else should enjoy his childhood.  So the little girl that Woody went home with is given all of Any’s toys and he sits down and plays with them with her one last time.

I know I basically just gave away the whole movie, but that’s okay.  This movie really is though my favorite of the trilogy.  It was a great way to end the series and was enjoyable all the way through.  If you have the time, and money(holy fuckberries, $15 3-D tickets!) watch this movie.  You will not regret it.  Toy Story 3 gets 10/Sr. Lightyear’s/10.  P.S. I’ll be back soon to finish off the list.  This was just a detour.

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July 1, 2010 Posted by | Movies | Leave a comment

Sherlock Holmes: More Iron Man than Mystery

So the other day, I was joined with some friends in watching the new Sherlock Holmes movie.  I was especially excited becuase the movie looked good from trailers, and quite frankly, I love Robert Downey Jr.  Now after watching it, I have to say that it is definetely a “you should check this shit out”.  Okay, first off, the plot is essentially, this one man who is the evil son of the magic society of london, and he plans to destroy congress after coming back from the dead.  The rest of the movie involves Sherlock Holmes bothering Watson who is going to be married, and generally, just bullshitting around town.  First off the cinematography of this game is very good.  They have parts of the movie where Holmes slows down time, just to plan how he’s going to incapacitate someone, walks through it and then does it full speed.  It’s some fancy fucking editing.  There are times though when it feels pushed and uneeded.  Also, since when was Holmes really that much of a badass.  Like he was never some fucking pansy getting boned up the ass by some queen; but what the fuck, he takes part in some brawling circles and also goes to fuck people up in fights.  I don’t remember that ever happening.  But eh, I mean, i haven’t read every Sherlock Holmes, so ….  I don’t give a flying fuck covered in chocolate.  The one part that really sells this movie though is the acting.  Everyone, and yes I mean everyone.  All the characters that actually talk are very well acted.  That’s why my friend and I believe that quite honestly, this movie would have been better as a play.  Because the acting was the main point.  Granted, I think that Robert Downey Jr is the perfect obnoxious smartass character.  Oh, to spoil the movie, THE LITTLE JEW GIRL DIES…oh, that’s diary of Anne Frank.  No seriously, the reason for all the “magic” was science of course.  That’s honestly the biggest problem I had with the movie.  There was no ah hah! moment.  You know who was the villian the entire time, you know that magic won’t have been the actual reason for any of the things that happen and that science would be the explanation.  And of course, that Watson is allowed to be badass, but Holmes…eh, not so much.  Be seriously, watch the fucking movie.  It’s really good and entertaining.  If you want a solid action film, with a little bit of mystery, and a whole lot of smartassery and good acting, then check this shit out nigga!  I give this movie 8 fancy ass pipes/10

December 27, 2009 Posted by | Movies | Leave a comment

Forbidden Kingdom:All that wasted potential

Seldom do I come across a movie which has so much potential and is ruined so thoroughly.  Jackie Chan and Jet Li in one kung fu movie all about them fighting and doing whatever they do would have been so very welcomed.  What people got was the karate kid.  A dumb ass white kid who shouldn’t have been in that movie at all.  It could have been so much better with Drunken Fist Jackie Chan and “kick your ass” style from Jet Li.  But they had to make it some bullshit movie about this gay ass faggoty white kid.  Hell, they even had some bullshit romance in the movie.  God damn that bullshit.  I don’t even know.  Whenever the kid wasn’t in the movie, it was fantastic.  The fight scenes were great, unless the people in them were WHITE.  I am white, but you don’t have white kids and kung fu.  It’s not done.  It’s forbidden……i guess that’s why its the forbidden kingdom.  BULLSHIT!!! The music was generally pretty good and the score was appropriate at most times, so I was okay with it.  The visuals were also pretty good, although some of the fight scenes with people like the monkey king and the jade general, were way to crouching tigered for my taste.  It was generally good looking though.  It was the story that really killed this movie though.  About some white kid from south boston who’s obsessed with kung fu gets threatened by some guidos to steal some money from an old chinese dude.  He then gives the kid the staff of the monkey king and the kid runs up to the top of the building to get away but falls off and ends up in the land of china a long time ago.  It was dumb.  The rest of the movie is the white kid learning kung fu and fighting the evil army.  If it wasn’t for Jackie Chan and Jet Li, I would’ve left immediately.  Oh, and randomly, the movie had whole sections entirely in Chinese, with no subtitles.  So I spent to entire scenes wondering what the fuck was going on.  I mean, the movie wasn’t terrible, but I wouldn’t call it good.  6 wasted potential’s/10.

Why isn't this the movie...NO WHITEY'S

Why isn't this the movie...NO WHITEY'S

September 27, 2009 Posted by | Movies | Leave a comment

Harry Potter and the Bullshit Romance Scenes

Okay, so I admit….I’ve read every single Harry Potter book more than once.  I’m in no way a huge fan or a Harry Potter nerd,  but when I get really bored, I read, and Harry Potter is so fucking easy.  So that being said, I’m an impartial judge about this new movie.  Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince is the sixth book in the series, meaning that all of this wizadry is drawing to a close.  I don’t know about you, but that actually just makes me a little happy that my little sister will stop dragging me to these movies.  Okay, first thing is, if you’ve never read the books, you should, they are good and have more plot than the movies.  If you haven’t read the books though, the movie is so much better.  The major plot, is that in this sixth year, Voldemort is back and Draco is now a death eater (servant of Voldemort) and so he is given the task of killing Dumbeldore.  Harry meanwhile tries to find out information from the new potions teacher Professor Slughorn about Voldemort.  Harry meanwhile finds a book owned by “the half blood prince” who has all the potions answers and is very helpfull.  After Harry gets the information, Dumbeldore reveals to Harry that Voldemort made Horcruxes.  When you kill someone, your soul splits, so you hide your soul in an object.  So that’s why Voldemort didn’t die, his soul was still there.  Then death eaters sneak into the school and Draco confronts Dumbeldore but can’t do it, so SPOILER ALERT!!!!  SNAPE KILLS DUMBELDORE!!! Yay, I love that phrase.  Ummm, yeah, the end, oh and the entire movie, Ron makesout with some crazy girl, but Hermoine likes Ron.  And Harry, being the ever creeper goes after Ron’s little sister.  EWWWWWW.I have to say, the special effects in this movie really are really well done.  There’s explosions and fire and magic and it all looks really good.  So special effects team, WELL DONE!  Now for the editing……you’re retarded.  What happened, well, because of the new director after the first 2 movies, the editing is terrible.  The editor from 3 and 4 should be shot, like execution style, with enough bebe pellets to actually kill him.  The editing is better than that, but for some reason, still isn’t very good.  But it is improving at least.  Okay, so why this movie should be better………Why are there so many damn romance scenes.  Complete with terrible cheesy music (Barry Manilow in the backround) Close your eyes Harry, deep kiss…….That’s like the entire fucking movie.  They cut out the major fight scene in the end just to put in more romance, what the fuck!  This crap is so lame and dumb.  The movie was good, but apparently, cheesy romance takes precedence over everything else.  I have to give this movie as much as I feel possible 7.5/10.  Good movie, great effects, but terrible romance and bad editing.

This is the entire fucking movie.  What is she, like 14!

This is the entire fucking movie. What is she, like 14!

July 28, 2009 Posted by | Movies | Leave a comment

Up: Oh Pixar, I fucking Love you!

So recently, I went to go see up with my girlfriend.  I can honestly say that it is my favorite pixar movie of all time.  Many times, when a company keeps trying to throw shit out the door, that’s exactly what you get, shit!  But Pixar is like a fucking cheese, they’re just getting better as time goes along.  This movie was also the first pixar movie to deal with blood and miscarriage.  This honestly was a fantastic movie.  It starts off about a little boy who loves this one explorer, after the movie on his way home, he meets a girl who also loves that expolorer.  They become friends and she tells him about her dream to live on paradise falls in south america.  They get married, and then it flashes through their lives together, and when the man “Mr.  Friedrickson” wants to take his wife there, she gets sick and dies.  A little later, the man is going to be forced into a retirement home after he hit a construction worker for touching his house.  So he decides to fill his house with balloons and fly to South America.  A wilderness scout named Russel is on his porch when the house takes off though so he’s along for the trip.  While Mr. Friedrickson wants to get his house to the spot on paradise falls, Russel meets a mysterious bird friend he calls Kevin and a talking dog named Doug.  They then are captured by other dogs and brought to  a cave where the explorer that the old man had loved in his childhood had been living searching for the bird that is Kevin.  So the explorer captures Kevin and the old man goes to rescue him.  He saves Kevin and the explorer plummets to his death.  Then they fly the explorer’s derigibil back home.  It’s kindof a confusing plot, but believe me, just watch the movie.  It’s really funny with the dialogue and voices being perfect and fantastic.  The animation is so crisp and clean that only some company of pixar’s quality could have pulled it out.  It was so good of a movie and is my new favorite pixar movie.  Sad/funny/intense, this movie really is top notch and wonderful. 10/10

ADVENTURE'S OUT THERE!

ADVENTURE'S OUT THERE!

July 14, 2009 Posted by | Movies | Leave a comment

Role Models-Oh the black kid

So recently, I watched Role Models.  That movie was originally in my opinion, was going to suck worse than a faggot in a faggot convention, where they laced the air with scotch.  But then I actually sat down and watched the movie, and you know what.  It was really good.  Like REALLY good.  The plot was kind of stupid, but at the same time, was new.  So I was happy that it didn’t suck so bad.  The part that did make the movie good though, was the black kid.  That kid, is the funniest mutherfucker i’ve ever met.  He made me laugh so much and the whole boobie watcher bit.  I literally shit my pants.  But that movie, really was one giant penis, or gay joke.  But sadly, I loved it, and I couldn’t stop laughing.  It was so funny.  If  it wasn’t for the black kid though, it would have been good, but the black kid.  Oh shit, that was the funniest lines of my life.  Although an 8 year old calling a white man reindeer games, because all white men are ben affleck.  So if you haven’t seen this movie, then go see it.  IMMEDIATELY  Because you will laugh and it will make you happy.  I give this movie a 9 adventures of the boobie watcher/10

Hell yeaz Hell yeaz

May 28, 2009 Posted by | Movies | Leave a comment

X-men Origins

So first off I would like to say, that yes, i’m kinda a comic nerd.  So yes, many things I’m going to talk about have to do with the marvel universe.  First off though, I have to say that I generally liked this movie.  It was good, solid action and for the most part good effects.  while they were most definetely overdone many times.  This movie did a good job about essentially introducing the entire x-men series.  One thing I have to say though, is that in my opinion, the best character in the whole movie was Deadpool.  Deadpool, is in fact one of the greatest characters in the marvel universe.  If you’ve never heard of him, wiki that shit.  The actor that played him, really pulled it off, it was awesome.  The first thing I would like to say, was that it was good, it was kinda slow in some parts, that should have really been sped up, but even those parts had enough action to really keep you entertained.  The biggest problem I had was with the love story.  It was okay at first, but then after a while, it got retarded and monotonous.  I mean, the whole, she’s not actually dead betrayl, was fucking useless.  It added nothing and made me angry that they had to add a love story bullshit into a Wolverine movie.  One other thing in the movie was Gambit.  Now I fucking love Gambit, and the actor wasn’t bad, and he did a fairly good job of portraying him, but it could have been better.  The actor wasn’t shit, but I mean, Lost’s Sawyer, who was originally going to play it, would have been so much better.  Now, to the biggest clusterfuck in the entire marvel universe.  So at the end of this movie, Deadpool is turned into Weapon XI and killed.  DEADPOOL NEVER DIES IN THE COMICS.   HE NEVER HUNTS MUTANTS, AND HE DOESN’T DIE.  HE’S ALIVE NOW.  HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT FOX YOU COCK SUCKERS.  I mean, Deadpool was part of the program, but he just got wolverine’s regeneration powers.  He never got his mouth sown shut and killed, no, he’s a nutjob, psychotic awesome mercenary.  So I don’t know what they’re going to do.  Whatever.  Overall, this movie was entertaining, and the bullshit moments, just cover your eyes.  7 fuck you fox/10.  Okay, Okay, after getting shit for my comments on the movie, I would like to clear things up.  I’m quite aware the deadpool gets up and is okay.  But just the idea of him ever being used like that is retarded.  Especially since Deadpool is never controlled like that.  So i’m aware is wasn’t as big a fuck up as I first thought, but the majority was still wrong, and hey, the movie still wasn’t that good to begin with.deadpool

May 10, 2009 Posted by | Movies | 13 Comments

Eragon: The shit fest of even more shit

So I am a big fan of christopher paolini’s work.  I love the eragon series, and even though it can be a bit obvious sometimes that it was written by a teen.  It is still a great gripping and highly entertaining book series.  Now enter the foul demon of shit and even more bullshit, and the a heaping steamful of this movie would suck even on acid.  Okay first of, the graphics often are mediocre at best, making you think, fantasy, nope, bullshit.  Then comes the music….i can’t remember a fucking sound or song from that movie.  That makes me sad, when the music that i love is not there.  Coraline was a good movie, but made fantastic becuase of the music, the music in this movie just blew.  If you hadn’t read the book, this was a mediocre kids fantasy movie, with flashes of cool, and entertaining fights and whatnot.  Unfortunately, if you’ve read the books at all, u feel the need to bash your self repeatedly in the face with a wall, or perhaps a fucking building.  This is so agonizingly wrong.  If you take the very most basic plot elements, it isn’t even close to the same as the original.  First, the urgals, the main expendable bad guy, supposed to by like lotr orcs, but with ram horns.   NOPE.  Fat guys with ponytails and face paint.  WHAT THE CRAZY ASS MUTHER FUCKER BITCH TOOL FAGGOT BROCK JP SMELLING BULLSHIT IS THIS.  The main bad guy is some balding old guy.  The entire movie is rushed to the point of, oh that transition of 5 months took all of i hate this movie.  The leader of the resistance is supposed to be tan, so of course, he’s black.  The resistance hides in a mountain, with the dwarves and the betraying twin magicians.  Nope, not even mentioned, dwarves and twin magicians, which are a huge fucking part, apparently aren’t that important.  Oh, and the actual growth process of eragons dragon happens magically, and she grows giant from midget in all of 20 seconds.  Oh dear god, this was udder bullshit.  By far, the most irksome thing was that the entire first half of the book, was cut out.  Like a good 250 pages, and they skip so much stuff.  In the beginning, eragons step brother leaves to get a job to support his gf/fiance.  In the movie, he leaves cause he doesn’t want to get drafted by the war, in fact, there is no girl at all.  She is like half the book of Eldest, the second book.  So if they want to make a sequel(no…no, bad, you step away from that story board, and you jam that fucking pencil into your xiphoyd process(yes its real)) what are they going to do.  So all in all, this movie disgraced all movies ever made.  If you didn’t read the book 4.5/10.  If you read the book  1.5/10 

this is what urgals look like in the movie....ughgghghghghg

this is what urgals look like in the movie....ughgghghghghg

March 27, 2009 Posted by | Movies | 1 Comment

Coraline

For those of you who haven’t been to see Coraline.  GO!!!! It is so good.  If you even remotely like the Tim Burtonish dark humor style, this movie is fantastic.  The images are amazing as the entire cast and set is made from clay, Wallace and Gromitt style.  But with a serious twist in that this movie involves a crazy ass monster who wants to turn people into puppets.  This movie also has a great score including a fun song written by “They Might Be Giants.”  The movie starts out a little slow, but picks up and is so much fun once the movie gets rolling.  It is not the best movie I’ve ever seen, nor is it really that new, i mean, the plot is the God vs. Devil conflict, like so many other movies,( Narnia bullshit anyone.)  But this movie is engaging and dark and I enjoyed it thoroughly.  While it won’t win any awards, I recommend this movie and give it a 8.5/10!

Gotta love that blue hair

Gotta love that blue hair

March 10, 2009 Posted by | Movies | Leave a comment