The Mind of Andrew

That which has been thought, but never been said..until now

Mass Effect 2:They still won’t let you bone a Krogan

So as everyone who calls themselves a gamer knows, Mass Effect 2 came out this past week.  If you haven’t played it, I’m telling you right now.  Pick up the game.  First thing I want to point out.  This game is FUCKING LONG.  If you play all the side missions, this game can last forever.  The beginning plot is essentially that Commander Shepard gets his ship blow up by the collectors.  He is brought back to life essentially by the organization Cerberus and given whatever he wants if he’ll work for them.  So he receives his Normandy 2 and Joker the pilot.  He’s then off to take names and KICK SOME FUCKING ASS.  He kicks so much ass in this game that he should have a third leg, just to make that much kicking of ass even possible.  But now, onto the portion that people like to call gameplay.

Oh shit, i decided to use paragraphs for once to make reading slightly easier.   But seriously, the graphics of this game are amazing.  The faces look extremely well animated.  The aliens all have great appearances and almost seen like they could easily be possible, just with the way that they flow with the game.  The combat is also great and colorful, explosions and effects flying everywhere providing a good sense of action.  Another thing I have to complement this game on is its voice acting.  There are so many games where the voice acting is just ….odd.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate bad voice acting.  FFX is my personal favorite, and that games voice acting is hilariously bad.  But the voice acting in this game makes the characters seem real, adding real emotion and personality to the numerous characters.

The game itself is huge I just want to point out.  If you could convert the hatred you have towards twilight fangirls into a size, double it and you would have the size of this game.  There is one galaxy, but like 20 sections within that which are all broken down into even smaller sections.  The amount of things that Bioware put in this game is alone impressive.  Even the levels themselves are huge, allowing players on side missions to spend good amounts of time on them.  If I have one complaint about the levels though, its just that most of the time, they really do look the exact same.  You run through one place to notice, that everything looks the same in the next.  I’m not saying this always happens, but it does happen.

I also thoroughly enjoyed the combat in this game, the ability to just switch everything on the fly, slide into cover and throw blue balls of death and fire mini nukes.  This fighting is very solid.  I think one reason you can say that is the ability to choose between like 10 people and pick 2 different ones for different missions.  It’s really handy and convenient, running into a geth fortress, making sure that you have people with overload and AI hacking abilities.  Plus, most of the new characters are just downright amusing.  Mordin has the ability to turn most any line funny.

But now, the real  thing about the game that makes is so different from every other game is the dialog.  Your choices actually affect the game, just hitting the next button can lead to some shit.  You think carefully about what you would say.  Cause you know what, you might just bone them.  The dialog is once again great and enjoyable, it makes this another story worth hearing again and again.  But to my last and final point.  Sex, yes fucking little aliens.  It’s a pastime of many a space captain. ” Umm, you there, lets discuss the space quantum theory below deck, and by below deck, i mean, blow my dick.”  I’m just saying…but in this game, if your a male, you have a choice between the bitchy science doctor, the crazy bald girl? named jack, or Tali, the girl in the metal bubble essentially.  Why didn’t you put a hot porn star on your crew…curses!  But you get an achievement for sex in this game, so its essential, but WHY CAN’T YA FUCK A KROGAN.  I’m not saying I would, but for all the choices and different things in this game, you can’t be a lesbian or gay.  I’m not saying its a problem for me, but it would have been funny as hell.  Cause if I remember correctly,  you could have a gay/lesbian relationship in Bioware’s Jade Empire.

But all in all People, I love Mass Effect 2, its great in so many departments.  So today, Mass Effect 2 gets 9.5 naughty bedroom tali eyes/10.

Shepard Smash!

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February 1, 2010 - Posted by | Video Games

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