The Mind of Andrew

That which has been thought, but never been said..until now

Eragon: The shit fest of even more shit

So I am a big fan of christopher paolini’s work.  I love the eragon series, and even though it can be a bit obvious sometimes that it was written by a teen.  It is still a great gripping and highly entertaining book series.  Now enter the foul demon of shit and even more bullshit, and the a heaping steamful of this movie would suck even on acid.  Okay first of, the graphics often are mediocre at best, making you think, fantasy, nope, bullshit.  Then comes the music….i can’t remember a fucking sound or song from that movie.  That makes me sad, when the music that i love is not there.  Coraline was a good movie, but made fantastic becuase of the music, the music in this movie just blew.  If you hadn’t read the book, this was a mediocre kids fantasy movie, with flashes of cool, and entertaining fights and whatnot.  Unfortunately, if you’ve read the books at all, u feel the need to bash your self repeatedly in the face with a wall, or perhaps a fucking building.  This is so agonizingly wrong.  If you take the very most basic plot elements, it isn’t even close to the same as the original.  First, the urgals, the main expendable bad guy, supposed to by like lotr orcs, but with ram horns.   NOPE.  Fat guys with ponytails and face paint.  WHAT THE CRAZY ASS MUTHER FUCKER BITCH TOOL FAGGOT BROCK JP SMELLING BULLSHIT IS THIS.  The main bad guy is some balding old guy.  The entire movie is rushed to the point of, oh that transition of 5 months took all of i hate this movie.  The leader of the resistance is supposed to be tan, so of course, he’s black.  The resistance hides in a mountain, with the dwarves and the betraying twin magicians.  Nope, not even mentioned, dwarves and twin magicians, which are a huge fucking part, apparently aren’t that important.  Oh, and the actual growth process of eragons dragon happens magically, and she grows giant from midget in all of 20 seconds.  Oh dear god, this was udder bullshit.  By far, the most irksome thing was that the entire first half of the book, was cut out.  Like a good 250 pages, and they skip so much stuff.  In the beginning, eragons step brother leaves to get a job to support his gf/fiance.  In the movie, he leaves cause he doesn’t want to get drafted by the war, in fact, there is no girl at all.  She is like half the book of Eldest, the second book.  So if they want to make a sequel(no…no, bad, you step away from that story board, and you jam that fucking pencil into your xiphoyd process(yes its real)) what are they going to do.  So all in all, this movie disgraced all movies ever made.  If you didn’t read the book 4.5/10.  If you read the book  1.5/10 

this is what urgals look like in the movie....ughgghghghghg

this is what urgals look like in the movie....ughgghghghghg

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March 27, 2009 - Posted by | Movies

1 Comment »

  1. This blog’s great!! Thanks :).

    Comment by matt | March 28, 2009 | Reply


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